In the end it Hardly Even Matters
by StarQuil
Summary: Zero gave up everything for the man who held his heart. Now, when there is nothing left to give, can he continue on living in his hell?


**Disclamer: Sadly, I don't own VK or any of the characters used. All spelling and gramar mistakes are my own.**

**Warnings: Angst/Abuse/Violence/Sex... I've always felt like these warnings are spoilers in a way.**

**Start date- 3/19/2012 11:15 am.**

**End date- 3/19/2010 7:32 pm.**

**In the end it Hardly Even Matters**

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><p>Zero had long come to understand the inner goings of vampire politics. For years he had fought them, and eventually had accepted, resigned himself to his public role. His spirit in a way had been broken, yet it was not the initial cause of his fall. No, the cause of his resigned acceptance had been more complicated matters. Matters he learned had no place in this world.<p>

In some sick, twisted way, Zero had always held a certain affection for one brunette pureblood prince, though had never wavered in his decision not to pursue such affection in anyway. He had stood firm, that small section of his being hardly a distraction. Often he forgot its mere existence. And things would have remained that way, a battle between himself and the nobles of Cross Academy until he left, moving on and joining the Hunter's Association full time.

He would never forget nor fully forgive the cause of his fall. The one who had turned him into what he had now become. Kaname Kuran, esteemed pureblood prince, had broken Zero's cardinal rule. Seemingly on a whim, the young prince had decided to pursue one ex human.

Zero resisted at first, holding firm in his previous convictions. But after two years of constantly ignoring the prince and the tragic death of Yuki Kuran, Zero had broken. After only a short time, he had broken near completely, complying with the purebloods wish for him to attend whatever social event he did. And Zero caved, knowing full well what the agreement entailed. In the public's eye, he had relinquished his freedom. To everyone else, he was nothing more than an object, the slave of one Kaname Kuran.

Now partially the pseudo persona was a form of protection for the young hunter. More and more often, higher nobles were regressing back to the days of old when common sport and pastime was the degrading and torturing of those lesser than you. A very Romanesque pleasure indeed.

Yet along with the persona of being the dutiful, low-level slave, came its own consequences. In order to save face and inadvertently protect his so called 'lover', Kaname Kuran had to follow general vampire statute. This included asserting one's power over one's personal subjects, often in cruel, public displays. Even when Zero had done no wrong, the prince had been forced to extract painful punishments in order to satisfy the public's demand. And every time, Zero took the punishment without protest. He was still a man of his word, and it had been a part of the agreement.

After these cruel, public beatings, the pureblood would have him taken away from the public's eye, often excusing himself shortly after to attend to the ex-human's wounds. Once in private, he would gently hold and tend to the silver haired teen who still would utter naught a word of protest if anything at all. He would force the teen to drink from his neck, rejuvenating the body faster.

And at times, as he apologized, the pureblood would gently caress the teen's body, making gentle love to the boy he claimed to hold such affections for. He told these words to the hunter many times, yet Zero held one rule fast, one rule he never broke. The silver hunter never responded with more than a nod, accepting but refusing to voice such affection as well.

Many days Zero had remained awake as the pureblood slept, often removing himself to the privacy of the bathroom where he allowed tears to slip from his lavender eyes; never allowing chocked back sobs to escape his throat.

Yet little by little his ability to shed such tears disappeared. Somehow the man who claimed to love him had missed the slow but steady dimming of his once vividly jeweled eyes. The hunter became little more than a shell, following aimlessly, sightlessly. Perhaps at one point he had believed the purebloods declarations of affection, but no more, at least not in the way he knew the pureblood meant.

As he was struck again, sharp nails ripping through soft flesh, Zero knew in his heart that there was no love between them. Never before had Kaname so brutally punished him behind closed doors with no intent of public showing after the matter. Especially not when they had just returned from such a public showing not minutes before.

No, the hunter had known and was only affirming the truths at this point. Sure, there had been some innate curiosity held for him by the pureblood. Perhaps even a smidgen of naïve affection somewhere along the line. But the only thing remaining now was the pureblood's empty insistences that such feelings remained.

Zero allowed strike after strike, well-practiced in the art of remaining silent. As he was dealt the cruel punishment his mind recalled the events of that evening.

_He had been brought along to another political party, following dutifully as the pureblood's servant. At some point in the night, he had been instructed by another high classed noble to fetch something for her. With a nod from Kuran he had left without a word, much as he usually did. _

_He had made it halfway to his destination when hands had grabbed him from a secluded corridor and he had been faced with a group of six young nobles looking for a good time. They had shredded his clothes and beat him merrily, enjoying the brutal form of entertainment. Zero had remained silent until they grew bored, leaving him in search of more responsive prey. _

_So the hunter had picked himself up and continued on his mission. He had fetched the stationary of the noble woman, careful not to allow and of his 'dirty' blood to stain the elegant pages. Silently he ignored the protesting of his aching wounds and made his way back to the lady's side, presenting her with the item she had required. _

_The noble had sneered at his appearance, mocking him and berating him for taking such a length of time to complete a simple task. No one paid heed to the fact that he had most obviously been detained against his will. No, instead they looked upon their beloved prince, expecting a show. _

_Zero had not looked into the eyes of his 'master'. In the beginning if he had he would have found shimmering traces of regret and apology. Yet this scene had become so familiar to them that Kaname had long ago stopped showing any trace signs of such feelings towards his actions as he prepared to engage in them. And Zero had stopped looking, seeing no need to search for something that was not there. He doubted if the pureblood even realized the change. _

_His head had snapped to the side after one strike, and he had unintentionally met the eyes of one young noble. He recognized her instantly. She had been there for nearly every event, brought along by her older siblings. This noble was different from the rest with her caring eyes and soft demeanor. He saw it every time he was publicly beaten, her gentle gaze filled with sorrow and pain for a lower boy she did not even know. It had amazed him, with what little emotion he had left, how this stranger could show such care in her eyes for him, while the man to whom he belonged to completely showed no such feelings, at least not outside of the bedroom. _

_His glance at her was brief, as was the slight shake of his head when she took a step forwards as if to help. She would be an outcaste, and he would not allow such a beautiful creature to suffer for something as lowly as helping him. _

Kaname's anger had been great, though Zero had a feeling it was not truly directed at him. Partially yes, but a large part he attributed to pent up anger and frustrations. So now the pureblood continued his assault in private, near blind with rage directed at a too willing target. For the first time in a while Zero felt the ache of his heart in relation to the man's actions.

He allowed his mind to wander, escaping the painful feeling he had become unaccustomed to after years of losing the ability to feel, or so he had thought. This time he allowed his mind to wander through happier memories. Times when he had been met with a gentle hand and kind words. Less happy memories also flashed through his mind, such as the time Kaien Cross had begged him to return home, having heard word from his old sensei of the sorts of treatment he was receiving. He had refused, as by that point he was already little more than a shell. He remembered Cross's tears for him as they parted.

He remembered the conversation he'd had with his old teacher not even a month ago, when he had asked if it was cowardly to allow everything to end. As he rethought over the words, he began to truly understand what his master had been telling him, and what he'd truly been asking of the man who had played a large hand in raising him.

He's been asking permission to inadvertently give up. And his sensei had, without him realizing it, granted him unneeded permission. He realized as blow after bone shattering blow rained unchecked against him, that the old hunter had understood him far more than he ever knew. For he would never condone the idea of suicide. No, but he would assent to the idea of stopping the fight.

"_No soul on this earth deserves to take the life of another or their own, such is worthy of damnation." The one eyed hunter had said, sparing his ex-student a glance. "Yet choosing not to fight is a permitted solution. Cross chose not to fight any longer, but he did not give up." _

Zero recognized the connection to the quite literal example Yagari had given him. And a new sense of peace entered him. It was okay, he could slip away from the fight without damning his being any further. So now, even as the brunette shoved into him roughly, in a brutal form of love making he had never experienced before, Zero found solace.

Kaname did not notice the change in attitude of the ex-human. Nor did he notice the hunter's lack of attention or interest in their activities. Somehow he missed too the complete lack of arousal.

And Zero felt no need to enlighten him. Indeed, a bittersweet feeling had taken over the young man. And he knew that tonight, he would be given the chance to quietly slip away. He knew, if he had the will, he could fight as he always did. He had fared much worse before and survived in less than favorable conditions. A single gulp of the pureblood's blood would give him the strength to continue physically. But when the pureblood presented him his wrist in offering, he merely pricked it with his fangs, allowing only a small drop past his lips, a final taste, all he would get of a goodbye.

He did not react when the brunette above him finally released into his lax body, allowing the man to do as he pleased. Perhaps the greatest joy he found in the situation was the knowledge that he would no longer burden this man, for he still loved him. Yes, he loved him.

Zero accepted the whispered admissions of love and the now gentle caresses against his broken body. And for the first time in countless months, he graced the man above him with a soft smile.

Kaname lifted himself off the hunter, slumping to his side, oblivious to the numerous unclosing wounds or the destruction all around them as a result of his earlier bout of insanity. His body weighed down with exhaustion from the earlier exertion, the pureblood managed a final declaration of love and a returned smile before being claimed by the trails of sleep.

Zero managed to turn to his side, continuing to ignore the pains as he'd become so accustomed too. Quietly he gazed upon the now peaceful face of the Pureblood Prince. It was moments like these he realized he had cherished all along, moments where he could see the real Kaname Kuran. Gently he used a measure of his remaining strength to trace feather light touches over the porcelain skin, unmarred by blemishes and strangely appealing with the streaks of red.

For hours the hunter gazed, drinking in the final moments he had with the man he knew had claimed one vital piece of him. He would not whisper goodbyes, would never feel pity for himself. After all, this was a choice, one he'd made.

With a soft and final brush of his lips against the soft, petal like lips of Kaname Kuran, Zero whispered the words he now found he had always wanted, needed to say. "I love you, my prince."

A soft smile graced the pureblood's lips, as if he had heard the barely audible declaration. But other than that he made no sign of reacting and Zero smiled, shifting to his back again where the pain was slightly less persistent. Staring up at the torn and bloodied canopy, Zero let his breathing even out, becoming slighter with every breath.

It amazed him that the ever present blood lust had allowed him to ignore the tempting meal besides him. Though maybe, he thought, even the beast inside him had had its fill of this world. Neither struggled nor fought for the ever more difficult breaths. Neither beast nor man attempted to save itself, an easy enough task. For once, beast and hunter would agree, and slip silently into the dark.

He allowed himself to say one final goodbye, sending the message through their bond which had grown weak over the months of abuse and deceptions. It touched the pureblood's conscious like a soft, mental caress, though he would not remember it until much later.

Sometime much latter, into the early hours of twilight, the sleeping pureblood would awake, more refreshed than he'd ever felt before. Not bothering to sit up or look around he would gaze upon his lover, slightly raised by several pillows and lying peacefully on his back. He would admire how the soft silver strands that had grown long over the years were fanned out around him, giving the illusion that one was looking at an angel.

It wouldn't be until he noticed the unusually pale complexion that adorned his partner's already pale skin that he would begin to notice that something was not right. Nor would it be until he noticed the lack of movement in that delicate looking chest that should have been rising and falling. Not until he grazed the much too cold skin with his fingertips would his own heart rate skyrocket in fear.

Sitting up in alarm the normally composed pureblood looked around the room, for the first time surveying the damage with unclouded eyes. Looking down he found that his once pristinely white sheets were painted a bloodied red, the still moist blood transferring to his fingers as he touched it hesitantly.

Looking back to his lover he noticed for the first time how dull his once beautiful eyes had become as he stared into the unseeing gaze in terror. So dark were the once silvery tinted lavender eyes. No laugh lines surrounding the almond shaped orbs as they should have. And even though the hunter's young face looked perfect, serene, it was nearly void of all emotion. Only trace remains of acceptance, relief and love were present.

"Zero?" the vampire asked, feeling more alone at that moment than he had in is entire existence. He received no response. Silently he poked and prodded at his lover, hopping to gain a response, receiving none. Tears slid like liquid crystals down his cheeks, only coming to his attention as the pearly drops fell onto the perfect skin of the young hunter. Kaname Kuran, for the first time since he was three, was crying. He leaned his head against the marble chest; hope burning as he heard the faintest remnants of a heartbeat.

Shocked and in a pain he had never known, the pureblood ripped himself from the bed, throwing on a set of silk pajamas hurriedly, desperate to go find help. He ran to the window, looking to see if anyone was around and found himself staring at the man who had helped raised the silver hunter back on the bed.

Yagari Toga, number one vampire hunter stood outside the near deserted Kuran manor, gazing back at the pureblood, an ever present cigarette in hand. Without hesitation, Kaname grabbed the silver hunter in his arms, running back to the window and jumping over the ornate balcony, landing sickeningly gracefully at the feet of the hunter. He did not rise, keeping the battered body of his lover from touching the frozen ground.

"Please." The proud pureblood whispered, looking up at the hunter desperately. "Please help me save him. His heart still beats."

"Why?" Yagari asked, hiding the pain he felt at seeing his beloved ex-pupil lying so broken in the other's grasp. But no matter how much it hurt, he would not betray the silver haired hunter's wishes, not when he had helped the child find this sole path from hell.

"He'll die! Don't you care at all if he dies?" The pureblood cried, eyes widened and body trembling.

"Of course I care. We both care!" the rough man growled and for the first time Kaname noticed the presence of Kaien Cross, standing just behind Yagari, his face contorted in pain as he gazed upon his adopted son. "My question is why should you?"

"I- I love him."

"You're wrong." Kaien said softly, his voice colder than the pureblood had ever heard before. "You may have held some interest in him at one point Kuran, but that interest has long dissipated."

"No, I love him, I have always loved him." Kaname insisted, refusing to hear their words.

"Look what you did to him." Cross continued, his voice still cold. "What person beats and repeatedly abuses the one they love? To save face? No public persona is more so important that anyone would actually do the things you have done to one they truly loved."

"Then save him, please. I'll do anything. Take him away, but just save him!"

The chairman of Cross Academy shook his head, gaze still sorrowfully cast upon his beloved hunter. "I will not deny him what he has chosen, even if it breaks my heart to let him go."

"Chosen?"

"Zero chose this Kuran." Yagari sneered. "Do you honestly think him so weak he would not have been able to pull through had he wanted to? That boy's been though more, by your hands and others and survived, because he had a will. But you crushed that, little by little, and now his will is gone. He's dying because he wants to."

"You're lying! Why would he want to die? Run away, yes, escape, yes. I could understand that. I did terrible things, but I did not know how badly things were, I could not see. But why would he wish for death? Zero was not weak! He would never ask for death."

"And you would know how?" Yagari continued. "Have you ever been repeatedly beaten by the man you loved? Because yes, that boy loved you with everything he had. Why else would he accept what you dealt him without a single protest? He might have been a fool for loving you, but do not worry little prince. He won't die disappointed in you, so you're damned soul can rest in peace tonight. After all, you can't be disappointed in someone you never expected a single thing from."

Kaname shook his head, refusing to believe the hunter's words. He turned his gaze back to Cross but the ex-hunter refused to look at him, his face hardened and still pained.

"He asked to die." Yagari said after a moment. "The last time you left him alone I visited him again. He asked for permission to die. I gave it to him. Many a lesser man would have succumbed to death far sooner. The kid had no reason to continue living in the hell you created for him."

"So he would kill himself? You would allow him to take his own life?" Kaname growled, scratching at his wrists and trying to coax the unresponsive hunter to swallow the life giving liquid.

"He's not killing himself. You alone hold that claim in your hands. No, young Kuran, he is merely stepping down from a fight. It is not cowardly. It is noble. You see, he would not have been able to reach this state had you not so severely punished him for something he did not do. So you alone hold responsibility for his death. We will not bring him back, we will not help. If you dare, attempt to bring him to one of your minions and have then help, though I doubt you've the time for that."

The pureblood was silent, tears coursing down his cheeks as he ignored them. He could think on no way to save his mate, not without the help of others. Yagari had presented a challenge to him. If he truly cared he would break his public image in order to save this boy. But the hunter had also conceded part of his challenge. There was no time to search out help, if he could even find such willing help at all. His staff had been dismissed a week previously for a vacation, he lived in the middle of nowhere. They were alone.

He looked up pleadingly at the two men in front of him. "If you will not save him, kill me. Avenge his death. You say it was my fault, so gain your revenge. Kill me now, I will not fight."

Yagari smirked, shaking his head. "As tempting as is the offer, I decline. You see, I have already began to extract my revenge. What is more painful than living in turmoil knowing you killed the one person who ever truly loved you and that you might have possibly loved as well? No, death would be too easy for you."

Kaname wept, realizing that the hunter was right. It would have been kinder to have shot him where he sat.

"But know, oh royal one, that should you ever appear to be getting over the memory of what you did to that boy, we will kill you, and it will not be a merciful death. I will make you feel every ounce of pain this boy ever felt by your hand and any others. Make no mistake."

Kaname nodded, watching the two men prepare to leave, Kaien laying a gentle kiss against the teen's forehead, Yagari ruffling the silver locks affectionately. He heard their whispered goodbyes and bent over the still body of the silver hunter.

"Perhaps at one point you loved him." Kaien said from over his shoulder, not looking back at the pureblood on the ground. "And perhaps now, that you realize what you have lost you feel that love once more. It is a shame it took his death to show you what you were missing."

Without another word the two left him sitting on the frozen, snow covered grown, holding the boy he realized truly held his heart. Kaname would never allow himself to forget what he had done, but not out of the desire to live. He would have the boy's body preserved, so he could look everyday upon the face of that brave hunter he had known. He would go on to stare into the eyes he had drained the liveliness from. he would become near reclusive, rarely leaving his private quarters where he would spend the days and night staring at his beloved hunter. A constant reminder of the beast he truly was.

But for now he would hold the angel in his arms, until he could find the strength to move again. Placing a feather light kiss on cold lips, Kaname recalled the bitter sweet feeling he had felt during his slumber earlier that day. The feeling he now recognized to be the only goodbye from this hunter he would remember.

"Forgive me, my love." He whispered against the cold lips. The pureblood laid his head against the small chest again, listening as the faint beats continued for but a moment more before the life organ stilled completely. In his arms, Zero Kiryu lie dead.

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><p><strong>...I'm blaming this on Michael, one of my numerous muses. He's wonderful at keeping the ravenous plot bunnies away, but he's not exactly... happy. <strong>

**Who knows. Maybe if you Review he'll smile a bit more. Now excuse me, I have a couple of pissed off carachters to run from. **


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